I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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