So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
