I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
bring money and cleavage
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
