and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize