normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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