Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize