I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
