I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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