Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My pussy is not your playground.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
