Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
