i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
