I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
