I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
