A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
