Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
