i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
