I puked a lego.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize