the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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