i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
