im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
