i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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