We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
