The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
