i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
