Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
