There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
