no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
