is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
