I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
