He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
