There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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