lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
