omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
