She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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