i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
