I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
