you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
