What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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