i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dick very happy bro
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