Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
