I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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