Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
