I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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