Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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