i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize