puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
