capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I love having hate sex.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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