Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
