Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
