and she was petting her beer can
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
