I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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