i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
