if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
