bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
