The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
