but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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