The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize