as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
