Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
