I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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